I'm writing this letter because you have disappointed me immensely. I haven't associated with you for over a year. A few days ago I saw you staring back at me from the third shelf of Dominick's (local grocery). I felt very excited to see you and thought that maybe you've changed. I mean, it's been over a year. Change happens! Right? I trusted you and took you back home with me. I spent quality time with you. Remember how fun it was watching Slip Stream together? Remember how we were happy? I thought we could start over and make things right.
After my second can, you apparently had second thoughts about our relationship. You decided that you were going to hurt me. I'm not sure how it actually happened, but I'm pretty sure you were thinking, "Oh Kaleah, Dear? I fooled you again! HA! How do you like this, bitch! I will END you!" *violent jolts of caffeine through body causing it to ache*
Cherry Coke, you made me feel like I was just hit by a motorcycle. You kept me up all night shaking. You poisoned me, and I will never forgive you for that. I now understand you're motivation. You're a tease. You're a trick. You're poison. I will never trust you ever again, Cherry Coke. EVER.
I bought a twelve pack of you. The first three or so I drank out of love. Well you know what, Cherry Coke? Now I'm finishing you off out of vengeance! Go screw yourself, asshole!
Sincerely,
Kaleah
2 comments:
Dear Kaleah,
Cherry Coke is best if you make it yourself. Take cherries, chop them up, and slowly add them to coke. Marciano cherries are my personal favorite. Just watch out for fizzing.
For your consideration,
-Ryan
Ryan,
If only... I'll have to find a caffeine-free coke and try that out haha
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